I spent a lot of today's easy run thinking about that. I am nice to most people most of the time. I am not saying that I am a ray of sunshine to everyone, but I try to give the benefit of the doubt to people and see the kindness in their gestures and actions. And when their gestures and actions are lacking, I try to not take it personally. We never know what people are going through unless we ask, and even then we may not be given the whole picture. So in these situations I am being nice by putting on a smile and sometimes taking the shit that is being flung at me. There is a lot I don't say under the premise of being nice.
Being nice to myself can be a struggle. I need to not compare myself to the Colleen of old. She isn't dead but things are different time. I have come to terms that I need to deal with my body and mind differently.
Being kind to myself requires a lot of effort and a change of mindset. I have learned to recognize the unhealthy patterns of thinking and deal with them head on. I have been wearing my fitbit to monitor my heart rate when I run but then it turned into being obsessed with step count and getting my 250 steps every hour, feeling bad if I didn't even though I ran for 12 km earlier. That's stupid, so I took it off and it is now in the drawer. That is the same reason why I don't track my food. My issues with food have been well documented and I cannot measure, weigh portion anything because it doesn't take much to get into the unhealthy and obsessive habits. So I don't. Instead I make healthy choices most of the time and remember that food is fuel. When I eat well, I run well and feel better. That's enough.
I also have to remember that missing a run or modifying one isn't being a failure, it is being smart and being kind to my body. Last summer when I ran a half marathon I missed the big picture that I was accomplishing something amazing instead I felt like I let myself down. The training for this half marathon is going ok, it's the hardest that I have ever worked for a half marathon. But it is becoming too much. With doing my practical hours I have spent more time on my feet than they're used to and I have to remember that that is actually hard on my body.
My goal this long weekend is to look at the remaining weeks of my training plan and adjust it so I am not running more than about 55km in a week. I am going to pare down some of the strength workouts and replace them with easy running. One thing that has been obvious to me is on the days that I do the easy runs I not only feel like I could run forever at that speed, but I don't feel like I am shattered for the rest of the day! I also think it would be prudent to have a day off of everything. No work or running. My rest day from running still involves at leat 2 spin classes. I am never actually resting.
Time to be fucking nice.
Great reflection.
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