Mini update

I will come back with more detail to how things are going but the brief summary is this: I am feeling tired and have made the decision to drop a run to decrease the weekly mileage and I am also modifying the Tuesday strength workouts into shorter ones. I do think the program overall is good but it is a bit much for my needs. At the same time, I don't think that much thought was put into it as it is an abridged version of the full marathon training program.

I am noticing my body is a bit unbalanced so I need to increase the strength and core work.

Don't ask?

This picture came up on my Facebook feed today via one of my friends. They also suffer from chronic illness, and have been for a very long time. For a long time I didn't know she was suffering. I figured that she just withdrew from me and didn't want to be my friend anymore. However, I still kept the communication doors open, and she opened up to me. I remember telling her that I missed talking to her and her friendship and that's what started the conversations again. I am very glad I did. Even though we share some similar diagnosis, we are still friends beyond that and have other things that are in common.

This picture describes me perfectly. I do guard my privacy but I am always willing to open up and answer questions. It is very rare that I will talk about my RA with someone who doesn't already know about it. Even with those who do, I won't necessarily bring it up off the start unless I am really struggling that day. I have some great friends that check up on me and ask how I am doing. I also have others that ignore me when I talk about it. I talk to the former group more and have learned to not bring it up with the latter. The thing about that is that it never actually gets brought up so I generally leave these conversations feeling ignored, and then just don't bother to reach out anymore. I am not looking to be noticed, or desperate for attention, I just want the reciprocity. 

One thing that conversations like that remind me of is the notion that people will not do what you think they should do, even if it is (what you think is) the right thing. Just because you ask someone how they are and listen with an attentive ear doesn't mean that you will get the same thing in return. And just because you may mention something about yourself doesn't mean you will get to talk about it. And this may continue to happen no matter how many times you may mention that it bothers you that they don't ask. While I have been told that they want to respect my privacy, I have said in return that I am not bothered that they ask. That being said I am not going to chase someone down for the attention, or force myself in conversations to see if this is the time that is different. 

So why am I bothering to write this? Because it is something that bothers me, even though I wish it wouldn't. I am not looking for an influx of messages asking about me, although feel free. Also, it is good practice for me to talk about myself. 

Shit's getting real

The splits

I tried the strength intervals yesterday.
They were hard.
This is one of the workouts that I will be modifying.
My splits are 2km at the faster than race pace with 500m active recovery. It was shorter than what was prescribed. When I am doing these workouts outside, I will change the recovery from distance to time and walk a bit more. I didn't feel fully recovered for the interval so they felt harder than they needed to. Hanson's is about cumulative fatigue so the recovery is supposed to be a jog, which I can't do right from the start.

How I felt after the run.

I want to feel confident with these workouts. The mileage from the easy running has built up a great aerobic base, and I know during a race, and most of the times outside, my mental is strong, so there will be no question on race day.
One positive from yesterday is that increasing the warmup was a good thing and I will do that from now on.

Week 11 Summary

Monday easy 10 km

Nothing. Not a damn thing. Too tired and I needed a break. The thought of running mentally exhausted me so I took a rest day.

Tuesday 6 x 1600m w/400m recovery
Did 4 of these instead of 6 and that was enough. I think the doubling of this intense workout would be too much for me. I have never done more than 4 miles worth of intervals for a half marathon before.


Wednesday rest or cross train
Taught my usual 2 spin classes but also did some strength for my back muscles and yoga in the evening.

Thursday 8km race pace
I was really wishy washy with this run. I ended up running 2km easy, then 2km race pace, 2km easy, 2 km race pace then 2 km easy. Half the race pace effort done and I think I was lucky to get that.

Friday easy 8 km
I felt ok enough so stuck to a recovery paced 9km run. I was starting to feel fresher.

Saturday 16km long run
I ran this as a progresson, starting at 6:31/km and increasing the speed by 0.1km/h every 2km finishing at 6:03. I felt strong and only started feeling tied in the last 3 km. I was paying attention to my heart rate and it stayed in the mid 150s for the last 5km, not really spiking at all. I felt very confident after this run.

Sunday easy 8km
Did this run at a recovery pace.

Even with ditching a run completly, I still covered 55km. This is a lot less than the 70km that the program calls for. I had a slow start to the week but finished strong.

I also payed attention to amounts of food that I eat and when I have a large supper I tend to have a good run. I also have been doing a lot of the runs after lunch because of my school commitments, and I find my energy is low in the afternoons. I am going to tr to get the runs done in the mornings, starting soon after the kids are sent off to school.

Be.....nice

This is a simple lesson, really. Be nice. Be nice to the people around you. Be nice to yourself.

I spent a lot of today's easy run thinking about that. I am nice to most people most of the time. I am not saying that I am a ray of sunshine to everyone, but I try to give the benefit of the doubt to people and see the kindness in their gestures and actions. And when their gestures and actions are lacking, I try to not take it personally. We never know what people are going through unless we ask, and even then we may not be given the whole picture. So in these situations I am being nice by putting on a smile and sometimes taking the shit that is being flung at me. There is a lot I don't say under the premise of being nice.

Being nice to myself can be a struggle. I need to not compare myself to the Colleen of old. She isn't dead but things are different time. I have come to terms that I need to deal with my body and mind differently.

Being kind to myself requires a lot of effort and a change of mindset. I have learned to recognize the unhealthy patterns of thinking and deal with them head on. I have been wearing my fitbit to monitor my heart rate when I run but then it turned into being obsessed with step count and getting my 250 steps every hour, feeling bad if I didn't even though I ran for 12 km earlier. That's stupid, so I took it off and it is now in the drawer. That is the same reason why I don't track my food. My issues with food have been well documented and I cannot measure, weigh portion anything because it doesn't take much to get into the unhealthy and obsessive habits. So I don't. Instead I make healthy choices most of the time and remember that food is fuel. When I eat well, I run well and feel better. That's enough.

I also have to remember that missing a run or modifying one isn't being a failure, it is being smart and being kind to my body. Last summer when I ran a half marathon I missed the big picture that I was accomplishing something amazing instead I felt like I let myself down. The training for this half marathon is going ok, it's the hardest that I have ever worked for a half marathon. But it is becoming too much. With doing my practical hours I have spent more time on my feet than they're used to and I have to remember that that is actually hard on my body.

My goal this long weekend is to look at the remaining weeks of my training plan and adjust it so I am not running more than about 55km in a week. I am going to pare down some of the strength workouts and replace them with easy running. One thing that has been obvious to me is on the days that I do the easy runs I not only feel like I could run forever at that speed, but I don't feel like I am shattered for the rest of the day! I also think it would be prudent to have a day off of everything. No work or running. My rest day from running still involves at leat 2 spin classes. I am never actually resting.

Time to be fucking nice.

It is time

This is our cat Rogue. She is very personable. She likes to be where her people are and when they aren't home she likes to be near something that reminds her of them. I found her yesterday sleeping with her head on my running shoes. when I am home she is always close. In fact as I type this she is sleeping right beside me.

What is is time for? It is time to modify my training plan more. While I have been loving the increase in mileage and the milestones that I have achieved I don't think that keeping up that intensity is best for my body.

For example, yesterday's strength intervals was the following: 1.5 mile warm up, 6 x 1600m with 400m recovery, 1.5 mile cool down. Instead I did 2km warn up, 4 x 1600m with 400m recovery, 2 km cool down. So it was a but shorter than scheduled. but more manageable.

Today is a rest day from running. I still will teach 2 spin classes and do some strength.

I have some soft tissue in my feet that swell and I have received cortisone injections for them in the past. They are in between my third and fourth toes on both feet and my feet feel squishy when I walk. I don't know if it has been the increase of running or poor shoe quality but they have started forming again. I went to my GP to see if he could expedite the process for injections and he did! I have appointments for the end of the month; I don't have to wait for the rheumatologist to arrange them. My GP is absolutely amazing. I had to wait over 45 minutes past my appointment time to see him but I don't mind because of how thorough he is with me, and I assume is with all of his patients. I always leave with my questions answered and I am never feeling rushed to as him. I am very grateful for his care.

Listening to my body

Yesterday I took a rest day from running. Even though the sun was out I could not get excited about running. When I was teaching my class in the morning I had difficulty with my balance, and just felt overall tired.

It was a 10km easy run. I may or may not make it up depending on how I am feeling.