What inspires me.

This is my forearm tattoo. I got it on this day in 2016 after over a year of thinking about it and saving for it. It represents my family's birthstones. The large ones are my children. The purple one is me and the green is my husband. I put it specifically on my forearm so I would always see it and would always be reminded of who are the most important people in my life. The 4 of them is why I want to be the best person that I can me and work on that every day, in every aspect of my life. I am not perfect at it but I do try.

In terms of my physical accomplishments, I am not motivated entirely by performance. I don't think that if I achieve a PB in whatever race or a top placement that it will change what my family will think of me. I want to show them that I don't give up and I always do my best and that they should want to do the same. When I raced Seawheeze last year, I was too focused on the performance and not enough on the enjoyment of running and feeling humbled that I was actually running a half marathon. I reflected on that and I will approach that event differently in the future.

That being said, I do look at past performances as motivation to do my best. Before my diagnosis I worked hard at Ironman training and I finished my second over an hour after my first. I also worked hard at getting my half marathon time under 2 hours, actually taking 7 minutes off my previously best time. I don't know if I will achieve either of those things again, but I certainly want to try.

I follow people and search for people via Instagram who inspire me. There are those who have healed and controlled their autoimmune disease without medication. There are those who have autoimmune disease but still hit the gym or the roads and trails like a badass. There are those who have other illnesses and still grab life by the balls and go for it every day. And there are those who don't have any illness but work hard at their goals. I love reading about all these people and I can take bits and pieces from them and apply that to my life. I am willing and open to learning from everyone. I started on Instagram looking for a way to feel connected, and I do. I also have a large amount of respect for those that share their vulnerabilities and low points because that's when we can learn the most. Not every day is sunshine and rainbows and I don't always feel my best, but it is reassuring to know that I am not alone.

I also look to myself for inspiration. I am internally motivated and a goal setter. I can logically see the steps I need to take to achieve my goal and I take them. I know that goals need to change. Right now I am in the early and easy stages of my half marathon training. I feel excited and well rested and unstoppable. I also know that things can change at any given moment and my goal will have to change and I am ok with that.