Mantra

This message is a few days early but it will be my mantra come race day. I'm posting it now in case I don't have time to do it later.

I have been thinking about the race a lot. I have prepared as best I could (I think) and I am ready to give it my all (probably). I admit I have a fear of failure. Not the failure that I am not going to finish, because unless there is something out of my control, I will. It's the failure that I wont have the best effort that my training and preparation has given me. That being said I have had some amazing races: a 3:08 90km bike split that includes transition time (which I am still a little WTF over) and a top half age group and gender finish at a different triathlon. But there is still a worry that I won't race my best. I have race goals in my head and a few know about them and I felt reassured by the "yeah I think you can do that" response I have received as opposed to the "are you sure that's not too aggressive" that I think myself sometimes. Either way, I will use my mantra to schieve my best.

Even though...

I feel like I have been saying "I'm tired" a lot. But that is an accurate description. I am physically and mentally tired. I have shed more tears our of frustration and exhaustion these past few days than in the year before it. My body has finally reached maximum so I need to ease back and allow myself more rest.

My body knows that. My brain isn't quite there yet.

Even though I trudged through a run last week and spent 5 minutes sitting on the curb bawling my eyes out.
Even though I was fighting back tears trying to rationalize cutting my latest bike ride short.
Even though I am yawning from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed.

My body is practically screaming at me to rest. My brain is looking at it and shaking its finger.

I know listening to my body will win. I hate doing it. My brain hates being wrong.

Confidence restored!

Just like that.

Did my last of the long workouts today. The full 180km. I was impressed by my ride time and that I kept on going when I was feeling tired. It sure helped me to ride with someone. I felt so good after the ride that I did a short run after.

Broken no more.

Feeling broken

I had my first emotional breakdown today. I couldn't stop crying. My body hurts and I am tired. I think a lot of it is from yesterday's run and how physically and emotionally draining it was. That's how the past couple of weeks have been. I miss my family. I know they miss me.

I am so glad that I have one last long workout and then the cut back begins.

I am ready to be done training. I want to enjoy my morning coffee and not wonder how I am going to balace the day's workout, or what the strategy will be. I look forward to running to run, not to go a certain time. I look forward to swimming but spending more time in the hot tub.

I know what I am doing is working for me. I have had 2 excellent race experiences and I know that the majority of the work is done. I know that a couple of bad training experiences aren't going to break my race day, but I feel like they are trying to break me.

Blurrrrr

I am in the middle of week 21 and it seems that the past 21 weeks have gone by in a blur. I can remember the big races but not a lot of what's in the middle.

I know I have done a lot in those 21 weeks and in the few weeks before that. August is here. This is the month.

My body is tired and the panic of not being trained enough is setting in. I know this is normal for this point in training. I believe in myself. I can do it. But still....

The past 21 weeks have been a blurrrrr....